Dear Diary
by Lilas
Summary: A person from Ken's past remembers him. (OC, but this is all Ran/Ken and my OC doesn't get with anyone!!!)


Title: Dear Diary  
  
Author: Lilas  
  
Disclaimer: Damn it I wish I owned WK, but I don't. I do own Hidone though, so no stealing that from me!  
  
Summary: A person from Ken's past is remembering him and their time together.  
  
Spoilers: Episode 4  
  
***  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
The first time I met him, I fell in love.  
  
But it wasn't the kind of high school crushes I had had before. I felt like that was it, that he was the man for me. As a kid, I remember pretending I was a damsel in distress and that my rescuing prince would be a brown haired, blue eyed gentleman with a heart as pure as gold. When I saw him on that soccer field, I knew he was it.  
  
But then he died. He was burnt alive in a fire, consumed by the flames as the smoke most probably burnt his lungs and suffocated him. I spent endless nights crying in the dark, sobbing the tears I knew he would frown upon if he'd ever seen me shed them.  
  
We had been going out back then, him and I. We had been friends for a couple of years and we were dating, and I was so happy. I was too happy, so my happiness was stolen from me. He was all I had, the only thing I lived for, and he was killed in a warehouse, alone and frightened. Every night I hoped he had been unconscious, that he had not felt his death, but somehow I knew it was too much to ask.  
  
It's been five years now, Diary... Five years, and the pain hasn't lessened. He had promised to take me to the beach the next day, to watch the sunrise. He had promised me that as soon as he came back from meeting Kase, he would come by my house and we'd go ridding in the night on his motorcycle to the beach and lay together until the sun rose. But he never came back. Instead of him, I saw Kase stagger to my house, all beaten and bruised... I knew then. I knew I would never see him again.  
  
Was it wrong of me to hate him at that time? To curse him and tell him I hated him for not coming back? For dying on me? I feel so guilty about that. I wish I could see him, hear him laugh again... I loved his laugh.  
  
Five years... It's almost time to go see him. I guess I better get dressed and get going. I want to walk. It's a nice day out and I want to think. I want to remember my past and the memories I shared with him. They're all I have left and I don't want to lose them.  
  
Ja ne,  
  
Hidone.  
  
(***)  
  
With a soft sigh, I close my black book and lock it. Ever since that day I have constantly written in it. Too many thoughts crammed into one head and I need someplace to pour it all in. My diary has become by best friend and the only thing I need more than it is him. He and he alone can make my life as happy and joyful as it had once been.  
  
Don't get me wrong, I've dated again, but it's no use. As much as I tell myself I shouldn't compare my new boyfriend to him, I always end up seeing his smiling eyes and then I mentally smack myself. I don't know how many hearts I've broken because of this stupid obsession, but I'm really going to have to let it go sooner or later... Personally, I'd prefer it were later, but I know that's not going to be the case.  
  
I need to live again.  
  
With another sigh I push myself off my soft bed and make my way to the closet, stripping and reaching for my red dress. A weird color to use when going to a cemetery, isn't it? But I have my reasons. It's the dress I wore on our first date and it's the dress I was wearing when I found Kase stumbling to my house, bleeding and nearly unconscious. I only wear it once a year, and today is the day.  
  
Without wasting another minute, I'm out the door, a bouquet of gentians in my hands. He had such an ability to handle these flowers... I slowly make my way towards the cemetery, my thoughts drifting to the past as tears start to gather in my eyes. You'd think with all the time that's passed I'd have grown accustomed to this little ritual, but it still gets to me. He's dead, gone, lost to me forever. How I wish it weren't so.  
  
I calmly walk to the grave, my head hung low as small droplets begin to roll down my cheeks. I hope he's not watching me from wherever he is... He'd be so disappointed in me. I stop a few feet from my destination and stare at the two figures standing in front of his grave. That's a bit odd... His only other visitors are his family, but they come in the morning. I decide to stay still and observe the two very different strangers.  
  
One is standing off to the side, leaning against the sakura tree hanging over his grave. He's a tall man with fiery red hair which calls out for attention. Pale skin shines under the soft rays of the sun and I immediately know he's all natural. No way his hair could be dyed with his skin that pale; red heads have pale skins, and he had a pale skin if I've ever seen pale. He is quite handsome, a good catch for any woman, but something about him wasn't right.  
  
Shrugging it off, I turn my gaze to his companion. He's standing right in front of the tombstone, sunglasses covering his tanned face. Brown hair blows with the wind as ruffled leaves dance by his feet. There's something about his posture which seems so familiar, yet so strange. His shoulders shake slightly and his mouth is moving, but from the distance I'm watching them from, it's impossible to discern any of his words.  
  
The red head pushes himself off the tree and walks to his companion, slender hands slowly withdrawing the black glasses to reveal tear-filled blue eyes... Blue eyes I recognize instantly. I watch the scene unfold before my eyes as the red head envelops the smaller man in his arms and hugs him fiercely, bending down and kissing his tears away.  
  
I'm seeing this, but my mind isn't processing it... My only thoughts are: He's alive.  
  
Then they part and a small kiss is shared between them. That's when I decide to hide. I press myself against a tree until they pass by me and then I follow them. I wouldn't say I'm stalking them, just following them. But I have good reasons to! I mean, the man I loved as a teenager and had thought was dead for five years is back... and he has a boyfriend! I dated him!!  
  
I love him...  
  
I watch as both men enter a little flower shop and I sit on a bench across the street, waiting for them to come out. But they never do... Hours go by and as the day turns to night, I decie to go in the shop myself and see if they're still there. Maybe they work there, who knows? As I make my way into the shop, I freeze on the spot, immediately recognizing the fiery red head... But there's no sign of the happy soccer player.  
  
The man glares at me and I realize he has violet eyes... Eyes which do not speak of the tenderness he showed back at the cemetery. That's when I understand. Ken is dead. Ken is gone and I will never have him again. Not the Ken I had known and loved, not the Ken I had come to place on a pedestal and worship as a prince charming. No, that Ken is gone, lost to me forever.  
  
I smile sadly at the man standing behind the counter and make my way to him, gripping my hands tightly to control the tears threatening to escape my eyes. That's when I remember the gentians. I'm still holding them... With a small sigh, I look up at the piercing violet eyes as I make up my mind.  
  
"I want an arrangement to be made. Can you do it?"  
  
"Of course." His voice is deeper than I had thought it'd be, but somehow it suits him. I understand why Ken has fallen for him. He seems cold, but his eyes flood with all the kindness he has in him, even though he obviously tries to hide them. "What do you want it to say?"  
  
"I... I want it to say... I loved you until now, but now I don't anymore and I'll forget. You're dead and I'm alive, but even so, you'll always have a special place in my heart. That's what I want it to say."  
  
"Someone you loved died?"  
  
"Five years ago... Today is the day he died." A small jerk of the head. "Can you do it?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I want you to do it." Silence, and then another nod.  
  
"Address?"  
  
"Could I have piece of paper, please?" With a confused expression, the red head gives me what I request of him. On it, I write my name. He will understand. "Put this on the arrangement. How much will it cost?"  
  
"Thirty-seven dollars. Where should I send the flowers to?"  
  
I don't reply as I fish for the money. I pay the man, a small smile on my face. I think he's getting angry with me for ignoring his question, but I have to wait until everything is in order. I don't want him to question me when I tell him who to give the bouquet to.  
  
"Promise me to make the arrangement and give it to the person?" A small, confused nod of his head. "This is very important. It's a matter of life and death." Another nod of the head. I smile again, this time, a little brighter. "Give it to Ken. Give it to Hidaka Ken, ex-J league player who died in a fire five years ago."  
  
And I leave without waiting for an answer.  
  
I wander around the city, wondering if the red head will indeed make the arrangement and give them to Ken... I hoped he does. After a while I stop and smile once again when I realize where my feet have taken me to. I guess I'll have to visit the grave after all... The empty grave.  
  
"For five years you've made me suffer, you selfish bastard. Five years... Maybe you've had your reasons to leave me hanging like this. But I saw you today. And I saw your boyfriend. You've always had good taste..." I pause a moment, wondering what else I can say. "I've always loved you. I don't know if I'll always love you or if I'll forget one day, but I don't want to forget... But for your sake, I guess I'll have to. I'll forget today. I'll forget I saw you. I hope I eased some of the guilt you must have been carrying in your heart. I could never hate you. Never, do you hear me?"  
  
I stop, tears making their way down my cheeks. It's getting dark and the sun's light is fading behind the horizon. A gust of wind plays with my dress and I feel shivers running up and own my spine. I sigh and then looked back up, tears still shining in my eyes.  
  
"I'll be back next year, Ken. Sayonara."  
  
And I leave, the gentians lying in front of his tombstone.  
  
(***)  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Today, I began to live.  
  
Yours truly,  
  
Hidone.  
  
~Owari~ 


End file.
